Break

Never has a night felt shorter before

You peaceful in your side of the bed, reading Rumi

Something in my chest tightened as I closed the door

Can these 5 years ever be restored?

That warm sweater still so cherished, 

Was that a sign she wants to be together? 

I always knew what she wanted

Her eyes spoke what she pondered. 

Why not anymore? 

I pictured myself running towards her

Her cheeks turn red as I near

What if she doesn't want to be left alone?

Or maybe she just wants me gone.

Glad I closed the door and let her be

I needed to engage in a soliloquy 

and maybe so did she. 

I sat on the hammock outside

Why does it feel like I've taken cyanide? 

How do I keep my thoughts occupied 

No, there's no way I can let this slide. 

My parents adored her

Never was there a life which was better

When along these years did I forget her? 

Maybe since she started talking about Peter. 

I defend myself. 

Where did it all go wrong? 

Can these passing hours prolong? 

Have we run out of love?

I see a bird, is that a dove? 

She hated it when I smoked

I always took it as a joke 

Was this because I didn't help fold clothes? 

Or didn't surprise her with a rose? 

Is now too late to say sorry?

Why does everything feel so blurry? 

Why have I suddenly started to worry? 

Why and for what was I in a hurry? 

I wonder if there's still time to make amends

Starting to feel something intense

What's gon happen tomorrow 

Remorse? Divorce? Is that what we need?

The Quietest kind of Cruel

 

Not many would quite understand,

But unreturned love is a no-man’s land.

It hollows the heart with a velvet blade,

A quiet ache that doesn't fade.

Just thoughts of you I cannot hold

Burn brighter than the stories told.

You say you care—but what’s the cost?

A love half-given always feels lost.

You know my wants—you’ve heard me plead,

Yet play naive and watch me bleed.

A smile that knows it hits like flame,

Yet never once you speak my name.

Your smile, my drug—I sip it slow,

A poison wrapped in subtle glow.

Your eyes, twin seas I gladly drown,

Each time I fall, I fear I’ll drown.

You’re sleeping now, in warmth and peace,

While I lie tangled, torn to piece.

Wrapped in your world, so unaware

Of all the storms you made me bear.

I heard you love the rain.

 Since then,

 I've never slept during a storm again.

You adored tragedy,

 chased mystery

 and now, here I am,

 your perfect agony.

You crave the tragic, seek the strange,

But never knew how deep I range.

If monsters thrill the core of you,

Then why not love this monster too?

You speak of shadows, shiver slight,

Afraid of something in the night.

But what if I’m that haunted shade

The silent debt your soul has made?

You know I watch, you know I wait,

Yet still you keep that distant gait.

You love the game, the push, the stare

You hold me trapped between despair.

You like to know I ache and burn,

You light a match, then never turn,

And I, the fool, still beg and stay,

While pieces of me slip away.

Forgive my stare.

 I don’t mind your glare.

 I can’t help it I swear.

What you’re doing—it isn’t fair.

 You hold me

 in a place

 between chaos

 and calm,

 between obsession

 and prayer.

And I stay

 because your silence

 is still louder

 than anything

 I’ve ever known.

Always Near

I know it’s hard

but don’t mourn me like I’m gone.

I still love you

only you, and all along.

Your hands are etched upon my face,

I ache for warmth, not time or place.

This heart, unhomed, drifts without grace,

For nowhere else can fill your space.

I tasted heaven in your breath,

Now I sip silence, sweet as death.

Even gods paused, touched by envy

To see me love a living deity.

Don’t wound me with those mournful eyes,

Even death offered no disguise.

Is this what loss is meant to be?

A quiet kind of reverie?

Yet I’ll return for that one smile

That sunrise grin, worth every mile.

You in tangled sheets at dawn,

Your lips a song, your sorrow drawn.

That creased brow, a midnight storm,

Your hair undone in its softest form.

You flip through pages, worn and old,

Each word a ghost, each line I hold.

The kitchen waits—your hunger hums,

That curry rhythm still softly drums.

Faint Fendy trails across the air,

I breathe you in—you linger there.

A glass half-full with crimson hue,

Still sips the world the way I knew.

My letters—love notes dressed in ache,

But your soul has more than it can take.

Don’t search for me in distant skies,

I’m here—in things that never lie.

The broken vase, the bent old spoon,

The room where sorrow hums a tune.

I’m the static in your lullaby,

The hush before your deepest cry.

The faded book with yellowed ends,

The silence shared between old friends.

The song that plays, you hum along

My voice concealed within the song.

And though you weep into the rain,

I’m the rhythm beneath your pain.

So, tell me love, can death divide

The hearts that once beat side by side?

I’ll be there when shadows creep,

When wine is poured and dreams run deep.

When silence feels too sharp to bear,

You'll find me waiting, always there.

In laughter lost, or kitchen clatter

In all the things that used to matter.

When fear returns, or sorrow nears

I’ll be the whisper in your tears.

No grave could ever hold me tight

I’m stardust in your window light.

I’m every “almost,” every year

I never left.

I’m always near.

Void

 

When everything

you have held onto all these years, 

comes out in the form of tears;

There is nothing you can control

But the cigarette that you roll. 

Friends who promised

Lovers who kissed... 

You look for company

But don't find any. 

One glance at alcohol,  

you don't want to open the same hole

now buried deep;

There, nothing else you can keep. 

No one quite bothers, 

Not even your brothers 

why your pillow is always wet;

You certainly don't own a fish net. 

Mama complains your room is always shut

"Come out and let's share these nuts."

"Leave me alone", you mourn.

"That child is possessed." they frown. 

Is to be loved something asked too much? 

Is a hug too much for a touch? 

Nothing makes sense

Or have I lost my sense? 

Why am I always angry? 

Maybe coz I'm hungry; 

Yet not hungry for food,

I'd say, if I may. 

Aren't we all broken

One way or the other, shaken? 

Is it the past

Or everything moving too fast? 

People change, I remind myself

If there's anything that doesn't, 

it's your bookshelf

and a pathetic self. 

Who is that in the mirror? 

It certainly ain't the me, I remember. 

Hold on, you hear a voice, 

For how long, you whisper to the void.